Attributed to Ellen Degeneres:

“In the beginning there was nothing. God said, ‘Let there be light!’ And there was light. There was still nothing, but you could see it a whole lot better.”

This line, almost verbatim, was part of an episode of SCTV made when Ellen Degeneres was probably in freakin’ high school. Dave Thomas delivered the line: “In the beginning, there was nothing. Then God said ‘Let there be light,’ and there was still nothing, but you could see it.”

I suppose next she’s going to talk about how, according to Gypsy mythology, God baked man in an oven. To paraphrase: The first batch came out too light, and those are the whites. The second batch came out too dark, and those are the blacks. The third batch came out just right, and those are the Gypsies.