Posted by: brian | April 24, 2007

CNN sucks

As you may know (or at least you will in about .8 seconds), I don’t see much TV these days. So why, when I get a chance to see something, does it have to be something as mind-numbingly stupid as CNN? I ran over to a pizza place a bit ago to grab a quick bite to eat. The TV was on, but the volume was low, & that’s probably a good thing. Paula Zahn, who must be CNN’s answer to the brain-sucking parasites of Omicron Persei 8, is talking to some kid who put his cell phone number on YouTube, then got 9,000 phone calls, then got to be interviewed by Paula Zahn on CNN. Apparently, this is news. The fun part was reading their news ticker at the bottom of the screen. McNews Bites(TM) mentioned the latest count of troop fatalities in Iraq, the day’s stock market activity, and the death of Boris Yeltsin. But the real news was happening when, every 48 seconds or so, this dumbass kid interrupted a woman who is sure to become the next Barbara Walters to answer his phone. God only knows what people had to say to him. Well, god and anyone whose volume was turned up.

So I got to thinking: Why can’t I be on CNN talking to Paula Zahn? (Truth be told, I should request Wolf Blitzer, just cuz his name is so freakin’ awesome.) Then, “How would I go about getting on CNN? Putting my cell phone number on YouTube is SO passé.” I imagine it wouldn’t be too hard to get their attention. Hey, maybe I could drum up some money in the process. Hmm… Maybe I should start a blog just for that whole thing. I’ll call it … Secret Plan No. 29, or maybe “Paula Zahn Won’t Interview No Something Something.”



  1. Don’t insult my best friend (TV)! You just need to watch quality, not silly old news.

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