Posted by: brian | August 17, 2007

If I were Jewish, I’d be waiting for a call from the Egyptians

Remember this spring, when I apologized to my Jewish classmate for the Holocaust? (I have German ancestry from mater and pater, though my progenitors were in the U.S. during WWII. But hey, these days, you can’t be too careful, right?) In another pointless, idiotic gesture, the Danes have apologized for the Viking invasion of Ireland (thanks to Mary for pointing this out). For those of you who can’t remember your high school world history class, this event happened over 1000 years ago. Yes, that is the right number of zeros. No, this story was not reported in The Onion. (I wonder if they’ll apologize for those blasphemous cartoons of that religious guy…or did they do that already?)

Other apologies I’m looking forward to hearing:
— The South, for slavery – Oops! That’s happened several times.
Napoleon, for invading Russia.
— The British Royal family, for (a) inbreeding; (b) Prince Charles’s ears; and (c) the Revolutionary War.
Bigfoot, Nessie, and El Chupacabra, for not existing.
— Corporate bigwigs, for being greedy bastards.
— India, for slamming into the Asian continent and creating the Himalayas.
— God, for hating fags.
— That asteroid, for killing off the dinosaurs.
Powerball, for me not winning the jackpot last night.
— Bush/Cheney, for — ahh, forget it. I should keep this realistic.

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