Posted by: brian | August 22, 2007

Values = Christianity?

Our cable company has reorganized our lineup, and added a few channels too: a couple PBS specialty channels, the “Reelz Channel,” a couple more sports channels, and 9 new jeebus channels. We now have 12 channels making up the “Faith & Values View” (Channels 180-190, 329). We now have: EWTN (the “Global Catholic Network”), Inspiration Network, Inspirational Life (aka “iLife”), Trinity Broadcasting Network (TBN), The Church Channel (all church, all the time) JCTV, Smile of a Child, Daystar (generic Christian), Family Net (for Southern Baptists, who must be the only people who have families), 3 Angels Network, BYU TV (for the Mormons), Gospel Music Channel (like MTV, but for jeebus-freaks).

So, it looks like “Faith & Values” means “Christianity”. It apparently doesn’t encompass other religious/spiritual or ethical belief systems. Do we really need 12 freaking channels of this crap? Oh, did I mention that EWTN, TBN, and Inspirational Network are also shown on channels 24, 25, and 27, respectively? Is it okay if I ask why?



  1. Huh, good point — where’s the Buddhist channel? “We have reached the end of our broadcast day. And now, the sound of one hand clapping.”

    Oh, come on, you saw that coming.

  2. Or the Hindu channel: “We have reached the end of our broadcast day. And now, the sound of Shiva’s many hands clapping.”

    Okay, it doesn’t make any sense and it’s bordering on completely lame, but look over there! That dog has a poofy tail!

  3. How about this idea for a show on the Buddhist channel:

    A NYC hot dog vendor encounters various troubled people, and makes them one with everything.

  4. Again with the Buddhist channel: a pilot for a home care show. But it might not get picked up, because of problems with the presenters. First, they need at least two even to change a light bulb (one to change the light bulb and one not to change the light bulb). And I hear neither one of them can vacuum in the corners, because they refuse to have any attachments.

    Okay, yours was better!

  5. No way – yours was hilarious (I laughed so loud I scared the cat and woke up the dog).

    I think this could work! Maybe we’d have to start with an “Eastern Religions” channel, but if we come up with a half dozen or so ideas for programs, we can just fill the rest of the time with infomercials and pro wrestling!

  6. Much as the one channel we’ve discussed? Indeed. Hey, but what say you to meditation and either t’ai chi or yoga?

    “How much would you give for total enlightenment? But don’t answer yet!”

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