Posted by: brian | September 19, 2007

odds ‘ñ’ ends

…Today on the campus shuttle I saw something that I’m still trying to process. A fairly heavy person of indeterminate sex (probably female, so I’ll use the feminine pronouns, but I’m not certain) stepped onto the bus. Her hair was buzzed on the sides, and the top was short – between 1 & 2 inches – and bleached to a yellower shade of blond. She might have been pierced, but if so it was only moderate. Maybe a nose ring or something – nothing outrageous. To complete this picture, dress her in standard college student garb – jeans, t-shirts in layers, sneakers. Make the t-shirt Coke-red with the words “Chick magnet” in black, accompanied by a cartoon drawing of a bespectacled, scrawny nerd, shirtless and flexing. I still don’t know what it means. It may well keep me awake for a night or two.

…[I can’t remember this item… if I do, I’ll write it down so I can share it later.]

…From Heloise, she of the Helpful Hint, two tidbits (from the Strib, 9/17/07):

Plastic Grocery Bags
Dear Heloise:
Please let your readers know that plastic grocery bags can be used at inner-city churches that have food pantries and clothing for the needy. I also take my bags to area nursing-home residents. SUE, via e-mail
For what? So they can tie one over their head and end their suffering? Or maybe the eccentric ones like to store things like their toenail clippings and feces.

Sound off
Dear Heloise
: I refuse to use the “self checkouts” in grocery stores! Why should I pay the same price for my groceries, doing all the work myself, as the next person, who gets service? Give me at least 10 percent off my total grocery bill, and I might think about doing it myself. I know I am not the only one who thinks this way. BOB in Texas
Well, Bob, I’m not sure what to do with your helpful hint, but here’s a couple of other things that might get you riled up: The newspaper used to cost a penny, and you still had change to buy a phosphate at the local malt shop! Plus, young people use curse words! And the whippersnappers have the gall to congregate in public places! When I was your age, computers used punch cards! You don’t even know what those are!


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